AFL Fans: I don't get it

The following of a particular sport personality is something that I can identify with. I get it. Being a fan of somebody or something is definitely a concept that I'm familiar with. Although I don't follow sports myself, I can understand idolising a particular person for being at the top of their field.

Anyone who knows my girlfriend will know that she idolises Valentino Rossi and Michael Clarke. They've both proven themselves in their respected professions, and are handsome to boot; What's not to like about them? I personally do idolise people from other fields; Musicians, game designers, movie makers and actors. I do this because again they've proved to the world that they're good at what they do, and I not only respect them for it but look forward to their future creations.

Barracking for Australia in the Olympics or the World Cup? Again, I totally get it. There's a certain amount of national pride that most people feel in this country, and to support your fellow citizens in an athletic contest against the rest of the world is somewhat patriotic. I personally am not really phased about the outcome of the Olympics; Proving that we are "better" I think is a bit of an arrogant concept to begin with, but I understand it.

Barracking for an AFL (Australian Football League for the rest of the world) or Rugby team though? I honestly don't get it. My entire life this had eluded me, and I frequently get the piss taken out of me for it.

For the longest time I didn't have a "team" in AFL, and would be chastised for it. Members of my family (my father, my brothers) all went for the Hawthorn Hawks back when Jason Dunstall was a household name. Despite this, I didn't identify with AFL and therefore didn't side with my family on this point. If anybody asked me what team I went for, I simply said "I don't follow AFL." I soon learned that this was not an acceptable answer. Apparently, males have to support AFL and therefore have a "team".

After getting sick of the attention I would constantly get for not "going" for a particular team, I chose to go for the Collingwood Magpies arbitrarily because one of my best mates went for them, and immediately found out that I had made a fatal decision. Little did I know at the time (this is going back 7 or 8 years now), Collingwood are apparently the most despised AFL team in the country by everyone who isn't a Collingwood fan. I had somehow made a choice that was even worse than not going for a side to begin with.

I moved interstate to Brisbane a few years later and my Collingwood supporter past was behind me. It was during my tenure there that my friend Yani decided to take me along to see a live AFL game. Now, I understood the rules at a very basic level (e.g. I knew that they had to "mark" balls and kick "goals or points"), but I was worried that as I didn't have a team to go for I'd immediately be outed as an imposter by the real footie fans.

My colleague Phil just said, "Choose a team, doesn't matter which, and scream "BALL!" whenever they're in a tussle. You'll work it out."

We were going to watch the Brisbane Lions and the Carton Blues battle it out that evening. I suddenly had a realisation:

I don't have to choose a side arbitrarily now, 'cause I actually live in a city that has their own team! I'll go for the Brisbane Lions!


This was a choice I was comfortable with, as I could logically back up the reason why I was supporting this team. This choice would throw me into jeapordy later however, as a few months after that I ended up taking a job in Sydney. My ingenious plot had worked against me, and I was left without a team again. I could continue to support the Brisbane Lions, but really I couldn't justify it. Either to myself, or anyone else.

I had moved into a share house with a couple of Geelong Cats supporters. They would fire up the game on a Saturday afternoon, and sink some beers while screaming at the TV. I explained to them that I didn't really understand a great deal about AFL and that I didn't have a team.
"No worries," They said, "We'll teach you what it's about, and you can go for the MIGHTY CATS!"

That was that. I would watch the occasional game with these guys, learn the rules over time and I would have a team to support. They'd keep me clued in regarding their ladder situation and the personnel changes, so I would be informed enough to actually carry a football-related conversation whenever I got trapped in one at work or at a social function. It was working perfectly until something happened.

The Geelong Cats made it in to the Grand Final against Collingwood. I was now in a position that I was "barracking" for a team that was going against my former team, if you could call it that. In actual fact, I didn't really care which side won, I was there more for the social aspect.  I went along to the pub to watch the game with a bunch of mates, including Yani who had actually taken a job in Sydney also before I had moved down.

As it happened, Geelong won and we were all happy except for Christian, the poor solitary Collingwood supporter in the whole pub. It was then that my web of lies began to unravel.

"You told me that you went for the Lions..?!" Yani says. I stood there, frozen, mid-sip of my beer. I didn't know what to say.
"Well, er, I did go for the Lions, in Brisbane."
"Whoa! It doesn't work like that Josh! You pick a team, and you stick with it."
I had been outed, my façade has shattered. Everyone who was still standing, which luckily was only Yani and Katie at this point, was looking at me. Katie chimes in.
"She's right, you can't just go picking another team! Turncoat!"
My face went red as I tried to formulate a response that would adequately diffuse the situation. I don't recall what I said in the end, but they weren't buying it.

...and the truth is, I really don't get it. These two girls went for teams in towns that they'd never lived in. Hell, they may not have even been to the places that they were from. Why such loyalty? If they chose the team because of a particular player, eventually that player may change teams and will eventually retire. Same with the coaches. Even from a geographical sense, these teams swap and change with other teams all over the country. It doesn't matter where a player is from, they can play in any team they like. Which means that over the course of their lifetimes, the entire roster would cycle and the only thing that would remain unchanged would be the name of the club. Yet, they endure.

What about if this happens in the future, will you still barrack for them?

I can only surmise that it is some sort of warped Brand Loyalty. Like Coca-Cola versus Pepsi, or Holden versus Ford. In the video game console space, there's a big PlayStation versus Xbox war, but again I don't get it. I have one of both, and prefer the Xbox over the PlayStation for a few different features. The moment those features are no longer better than the PlayStation offering however, I'll happily switch camps and may prefer the next iteration of the PlayStation over the next Xbox. I've owned a PC and a Mac. I've owned an iPhone and a Windows Phone. My current TV is a Samsung, but my next might be a Sony. Or an LG. I don't know, I'm happy to weigh up the features of them all and buy the one that is better at the time.


The problem with this warped brand loyalty is that people get in serious fights over these arguments. The internet is full of angry forum posts saying why one thing is better than the other, and I'm mostly okay with this if it isn't fuelled from an emotional standpoint. People at football games get in fight. Yeah, the physical kind where somebody gets punched in the head. What on Earth have these sporting teams done to indoctrinate their fans so completely.

Just another fight at a football game. Wait, what?

I guess what I'm saying is this. You're all fanboys. You hold on to the idea that your team is somehow worthy of your loyalty for eternity despite the fact that the team you first swore your oath to has cycled 10 times over and doesn't even have one of the original members left. It'd be like if you were still hopelessly devoted to Metallica even after James, Kirk and Lars are replaced my younger members and they aren't even playing the same music anymore.

I don't get it. If you are a supporter of a sporting team please leave me a comment if you are able to somehow identify a variable that I have not considered. I truly want to understand this.