Internet Charlatans Volume I: The Spellcaster

Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen.

Hi Internet!

As a blogger, it is my duty to impart to you, my adoring public, some of the knowledge I obtain whilst skirting the web for interesting facts. Today is no exception, people! I have a big one to share with you today, oh yes. Let us begin.

So here I am, minding my own business and gettin' my surf on, when I come across this incredible website. It's titled "Cast Free Love, Magic, Money & Job Spells, Super Spell Caster."

By the beard of Zeus! I've only ever heard of just lowly spell casters, however not here! You see, here they hosted a Super Spell Caster. Obviously, I clicked on to the website and had myself a quick read.

To summarise what I found; It's essentially a website for ordering spells to be casted on your behalf by Mia, the half-psychic/half-witch. Now, this is what I'm talking about. I'm so sick of going to magicka occult websites, seeking a veritable expert in all things arcane... only to find out they either only do psychic readings or cast spells. Grrrr! If I had a dollar...

So, I'm pretty much sold on the services being offered at this point. I mean, both psychic and magical?! It's the two-fer I was looking for.

This is our fantastic lady right here!

This chick is the REAL DEAL! Her love spells REALLY WORK!

She sells to you her amazing power of magika in the form of spells! You can order spells for love magic, or even curses! Now, who doesn't want to order a curse on someone? Even if there's nobody you dislike enough to wish that upon them, you could just pick a stranger at random for the lulz.

What's more, the prices that she offers a simply amazing. I have no idea how she manages to cover her not-insignificant amount of overheads, e.g. Candles, cloaks... ummm... Crystal ball. Oh, and there's probably a cauldron. Cauldrons are presumably not easy to come by, either. I mean, I've never been in the market exactly... but I've never skimmed one in The Trading Post or seen it on eBay while searching for "Ridiculously massive saucepan for cooking incredible amounts of soup." Actually, I didn't get any relevant results for that last one interestingly. Anyway, I digress.

On www.miasuperspells.com for example, a paltry $230 US dollars will net you the following:

"Banish Negativity/Aura Clearing - Does nothing seem to go right for you? Ever joke ‘I must be cursed!’ Do you feel like you have bad luck, a negative outlook on life, or find obstacles at every turn? This spell will clear your energy and aura to allow for a fresh and clean new approach to life."

At these prices, can you afford not to order?!

Aside from offering amazingly cheap magic that's definitely not morally questionable in any conceivable way, our darling wiccan princess is obviously gorgeous, can't you see? I refused to believe that she wasn't also a model. I mean, c'mon! With those looks?

So, in order to satisfy my curiousity I did some TinEye.com searching and found that, actually yes; She is a model! I couldn't believe my luck. I was previously unaware of iStock Photo's vast galleries of professional models, but here she is! A published model, how exciting for her! Although, she's only known simply as "Fortune Teller" here. Not only does she not post her real name, which is obviously Mia, but she neglected to tell them she was also a spell caster. So humble.

Rather than selflessly keep all her beauty to herself, she instead shares it with the rest of the world as a Stock Photo model! That's the only explanation of here being on iStock Photo, right?

She's also a model for iStock Photo! How multi-faceted her skill set is!

Here she is again! The raw talent of this girl!

But, that's not all guys! 

How could this example of a model human being possibly be any more selfless? Why, I'm glad you asked internet! She lends her likeness out to other budding spell casters and psychics, apparently! Check out the sites she appears on!

This is like looking at the Zoolander calendar, wow!

She doesn't even credit her own name on these sites either. See for yourself here. So, I think that's pretty damn awesome of her, personally. 

"Okay Cloaker Josh, I suppose she is pretty awesome and selfless."

You haven't even heard the best bit, internet! So, shut up and hear some more truth bombs! As if she isn't already a living saint, you haven't seen anything yet. Get this:

Despite apparently living in and operating out of Metairie, LA (according to her Domain registration lookup);

In a generous act to presumably try to help the small British Caribbean territory by injecting indirect income into the local economy, she hosts her website and financial PayPal services in the Cayman Islands!

Look at her helping the small British colony! What a saint!

Hey, wait a minute there! 

Did I hear you just accuse "Mia" of hosting her bank accounts in the Cayman Islands due to its status as being known as a tax-free haven, due to the fact that there are no taxes levied in this territory?! What do you mean the Cayman Islands are globally known as one of the biggest offshore financial centres in the world?!

Sheesh, there's just no good in some people. Well, at any rate, if you happen to agree with me and think that Mia deserves better than this, please feel free to drop her an email: mia.spells@gmail.com.

So, in closing, I wish to ask you all a big favour. Spread the word. Click that little Facebook icon down there (I know you can see it, glaring at you), and share this with your friends to promote how awesome Mia is. Ask them to drop her a line, please. People like this need to be in the spotlight, warts and all.

Help me create a better internet, exposing one charlatan at a time.